Relationship Abuse Survivor (New)

It's okay to feel however you do right now. All your emotions are valid, and you deserve compassion. To help practice self-validation, try a simple exercise: take a moment to write down a few words about what you are feeling, or say to yourself, "I accept my emotions as they are right now." Allowing yourself this honesty is essential for recovery, especially after trauma. (Ardelt & Grunwald, 2018, pp. 187-199) Progress begins when you acknowledge your feelings and experiences, rather than moving forward without intention. (Davies et al., 2026) This approach makes healing more meaningful. (Dutton et al., 2023)

My name is Panos, and I am a relationship manager at Sincerely Yours. Yesterday, Karen confided in me about her difficult relationship with Rowan. They met at a party, became a couple, and initially, things went well. According to research referenced in Treating Women Drug Abusers: Action Therapy and Trauma Assessment, many women’s experiences with addiction are closely linked to trauma in their lives; examples include exposure to abuse or critical relationships. Rowan’s increasing self-consciousness about his appearance, his criticism of Karen’s career, his impatience, and adoption of rigid gender roles may be understood in the context of the multifaceted interplay between trauma, addiction, and personal relationships as noted in the article. Rowan’s behaviour escalated to verbal and physical abuse, leaving Karen anxious, fearful, and isolated. Her boss noticed changes in her behaviour and, after Karen tried to hide her injuries, involved the police. Despite Rowan attending anger management, Karen discovered he was using muscle-building medication. When she addressed him, he became violent again. Karen managed to escape after Rowan allegedly attacked her and tried to force her into his car. She later contacted authorities for help.

Although Karen's story is unique to her circumstances, many people going through trauma in relationships experience the same feelings of fear, confusion, and isolation. If you relate to Karen's journey, know that your emotions and reactions are valid. Like her, you may find strength within yourself even when things feel overwhelming. Sharing these types of experiences reminds us that we are not alone and that resilience is possible, even after difficult times.

It is completely understandable to feel overwhelmed after experiencing such difficult events. You are not alone in these feelings. Many people who have gone through trauma feel shock, disbelief, or uncertainty. Taking a pause to recognise your emotions and reminding yourself that support is available can make a difference. Support may come from reaching out to trusted friends or family, connecting with a therapist or counsellor, or joining a local or online support group. There are also helplines available that help whenever you need someone to talk to. You deserve patience and care as you move forward.

She was in shock and wasn’t ready to start anew. She received therapy and consulted a leading specialist. She never saw or spoke to Rowan again and continues uncertain about his release from prison. Feeling uncertain about the future is normal after such an ordeal, and it is okay to take one day at a time. (Ph.D., 2020) With support and time, hope can grow stronger, and healing is truly possible. (Long, 2022)

Dear Karen, I am proud of your strength. You survived a traumatic experience with someone who changed over time. Your feelings are valid, and you are worthy of love and safety. Healing takes time; thus, continue with therapy and do not feel pressured to start a new relationship until you are ready. (Yadav et al., 2024) At 25, you have time to find happiness and achieve your goals. Some people hide their true nature, but not everyone is like that. (Differential Psychology, n.d.) You did nothing wrong; many people are afraid to speak up. (TRAUMA, ABUSE, AND VIOLENCE - Nursing: Mental Health and Community Concepts, 2024)

You have the power to shape the next steps of your recovery. Each day, try to make small choices that support your wellbeing, such as deciding what you would like to do for yourself, choosing an activity that brings you comfort, or setting a personal boundary. Even something as simple as planning your day, making a nourishing meal, or reaching out to a trusted friend is an act of reclaiming your voice and agency. Remember, these decisions are yours, and each one reinforces your strength and control over your future.

Please remember to be gentle with yourself as you move forward. Hope is always possible, and your journey ahead holds opportunities for joy and healing. Remember, not all men or women are the same.

Sincerely Yours Panos,

As you recover, focus on small daily routines to help you feel grounded. Gentle habits such as journaling, practising breathing exercises, or meeting a friend for coffee can make each day more manageable. Taking walks, eating nourishing meals, and setting aside time for yourself can gradually rebuild your confidence. (Morning and Evening Routines for Trauma Recovery, 2023) Remember that healing is not a straight line, and setbacks are a normal part of the process. For example, you may find that on some days, old memories or feelings suddenly resurface, leaving you overwhelmed or unable to complete your usual routines. Many people in recovery have experienced times when they missed appointments, withdrew from friends, or felt like they were back at the beginning. When this happens, some have found it helpful to reach out to a support person, revisit grounding techniques, or simply allow themselves a day to rest without judgment. It is natural to have days where progress feels slow or old feelings resurface, but this does not mean you are not moving forward. Allow yourself time to heal, be patient with yourself, and continue working on your recovery; things will improve.

References

Ardelt, M. & Grunwald, S. (2018). The Importance of Self-Reflection and Awareness for Human Development in Hard Times. Research in Human Development 15(34), pp. 187-199. https://doi.org/10.1080/15427609.2018.1489098

Davies, M., Satyen, L. & Toumbourou, J. W. (2026). Recovery after domestic, family and sexual violence: impact of a holistic clinical support program on victim-survivors. Frontiers in Psychology 17. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2026.1742876

Dutton, M. A., Dahlgren, S., Martinez, M. & Mete, M. (2023). The holistic healing arts retreat: An intensive, experiential intervention for survivors of interpersonal trauma. Psychol Trauma. 2023 Jul;15(5):727-737.. https://doi.org/10.1037/tra0001178

Ph.D., O. G. (2020). Living with Uncertainty. Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/expressive-trauma-integration/202003/living-in-uncertainty

Long, L. J. (2022). Hope and PTSD. Current Opinion in Psychology 48. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.copsyc.2022.101472

Yadav, G., McNamara, S. & Gunturu, S. (2024). Trauma-Informed Therapy. StatPearls - NCBI Bookshelf. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK604200/

(n.d.). Differential Psychology. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Differential_psychology. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Differential_psychology

(2024). TRAUMA, ABUSE, AND VIOLENCE - Nursing: Mental Health and Community Concepts. NCBI Bookshelf. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK616968/

(2023). Morning and Evening Routines for Trauma Recovery. Kay Douglas. https://www.kaydouglas.com/kays-blog/trauma-recovery-morning-routines