The Power of Moving on

My name is Pan, and I am a relationship manager and sex therapist. With Valentine’s Day approaching, you are not alone if you feel that it has become overly commercial or even a source of sadness. Many people share these feelings. Some may spend the day alone, feeling disheartened by past experiences. (Aggeler, 2024) As Paloma Faith sings, only love can hurt like this. Through this Valentine’s special blog, I hope to show you, through a true story, that love is real.

Alexander is one such individual. He works as an IT programmer at a well-known gaming company and reached out to me on social media for advice on rekindling his relationship with his girlfriend, Grace, after they faced significant challenges. Many people encounter similar struggles in their relationships, often involving trust and communication, which can feel isolating. (Rahman & Turan, 2021, pp. According to a recent study by Mitchell and colleagues, partners may experience growing emotional distance and relationship strain after issues like infidelity or substance abuse, which can eventually lead to separation even when couples try strategies such as opening up the relationship to address their problems. Alexander now believes he is responsible for the breakdown of their relationship.

Dear Alexander, thank you for reaching out. I understand you have been through a difficult time with Grace. Both of you may be carrying silent stories of pain, and acknowledging these feelings is the first bridge to empathy and understanding. We can discuss your situation in more detail during a consultation. For now, I encourage you to reflect on whether Grace has expressed any interest in reconciling. To facilitate this reflection, consider engaging in structured self-reflection by asking yourself specific questions: What emotions am I experiencing when I think about Grace and our past relationship? Have I noticed any changes in my feelings since the breakup? What are my hopes and fears regarding reconciliation? Am I ready to commit to addressing past issues if reconciliation were possible? Keeping a journal to explore these questions can help clarify your feelings. According to a systematic review by Fernandes, Santos, and Martins, romantic breakups during emerging adulthood can significantly impact psychological health and the process of finding intimacy and forming identity. If Grace is not open to reconnecting, it may be healthiest to move forward and seek a relationship where you are truly valued and supported. Time can help heal, and if circumstances change and genuine love remains, reconciliation may be possible in the future. (Does Time Heal All Wounds? Life Satisfaction Trajectories in Australian Middle-Aged Women Before and After Relationship Dissolution, 2025)

My advice is to focus on moving forward. Take care of yourself, stay active, and consider meeting new people, even if it feels challenging right now. You deserve a healthy relationship with someone who is a better match for you. Seek a partnership that is fulfilling and supportive, and allow yourself the opportunity to experience love in a positive way. Imagine waking up clear-headed, filled with enthusiasm for the day ahead, and sharing a hobby with someone who trusts you completely. Consider engaging in specific self-care activities such as joining a local club or group that piques your interest, practising mindfulness through meditation or yoga, or reaching out to friends to reconnect or create new social circles. These activities can provide structure and support as you channel your energy into self-growth. (Gomes & Neto, 2026) This approach could open doors to a future where you cultivate rewarding connections and happiness.

As always, Yours Sincerely

Pan

References

Aggeler, M. (February 16, 2024). People who live alone are more likely to feel depressed, study finds. The Guardian. https://www.theguardian.com/wellness/2024/feb/16/adults-living-alone-more-depressed-study

Rahman, F. & Turan, S. (2021). Emotional Abuse and Social Isolation as Predictors of Trust in Relationships in Undergraduate Students. Journal of Adolescent and Youth Psychological Studies 6(3), pp. 15-24. https://doi.org/10.61838/kman.jayps.6.3.15

Crabtree, S. A. & Harris, S. M. (2019). The Lived Experience of Ambiguous Marital Separation: A Phenomenological Study. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy 46(3). https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12419

(2025). Does Time Heal All Wounds? Life Satisfaction Trajectories in Australian Middle-Aged Women Before and After Relationship Dissolution. Journal of Happiness Studies 26. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-024-00853-5

Gomes, I. & Neto, D. D. (2026). Self-Care and Personal Therapy in the Development of Clinical Psychologists’ Self-Efficacy. Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10879-026-09714-z